The Cultivating Safe Spaces conference felt a bit different this year. This was our third year hosting the annual CSS Conference, and each year we learn more about what makes this event so special, and how we can cultivate and bring forward that feeling into future events. This year we scaled back to a smaller venue and had fewer attendees than years before, but the room felt far from empty. 52 people came into a room where they were free to show up exactly as they are, no one had to make themselves small or hide any parts of their spirit. Everyone had the opportunity to call their ancestors into the room with them, filling the space with love and acceptance even before we started the work of sharing and cultivating safe spaces. One word we hear over and over as a highlight from participants of this conference and other CSS events is connection. CSS connects people to their ancestors, to themselves, and to the other people in the room. By holding others up, we hold ourselves up as well, and we walk away from these events understanding a little more about what it means to hold love for ourselves and our communities.  

Over the last five years of hosting Cultivating Safe Spaces trainings, we’ve witnessed a profound shift. In the beginning, it was rare to see men in the room—only about 2% of participants identified as male, and many attended because their workplaces required it. The question we often heard was, “Where are the men?” That question stayed with us, the pain of harm, the longing for safety, and the cautious hope that one day we’d share these spaces with them

Slowly, something changed. Men started coming—not because they were told to, but because they wanted to. They began arriving with open hearts and a willingness to sit with discomfort, to listen, to learn, and to be seen.

This year, 21% of the room at our CSS Conference was made up of men. That might seem like a number, but for us, it represents a cultural shift. Three of our CSS Facilitators are men. At this year's conference, something truly beautiful unfolded.

We hosted a panel led by Ian Foss and Christopher Locker titled "The Role of Men in Being Human: Cultivating Safe Spaces Through Emotional Intelligence and Vulnerability,". After their session, our incredible Emcee Maddy felt called to ask the men in the room to stand so we could honour them. She spoke with so much heart—pouring love into the space, naming the bravery it takes to be a man who chooses to cultivate safe spaces, not just for others, but for themselves.

She asked the rest of us to offer affirmations—to thank them for being the kind of men we could trust, the kind we could count on, the kind willing to do the healing. She invited them to receive that love, and we watched as emotions poured out—tears, nods, soft smiles, and deep breaths. It was tender. It was real. It was sacred. In the truest sense. We stood witness to men remembering they were good men—men who deserve softness, belonging, and beauty too.

We know how hard it can be for women and gender-diverse folks to trust, to hold space for men, especially when we’ve been harmed. But in that moment, we weren’t performing forgiveness. We were building a different future, one where no one is left behind. We cannot stop violence against women and 2SLGBTQQIA+ folks until we have men who know who they are. Until men believe they belong in this work—not as saviours, not as spectators, but as participants in the weaving of a new fabric of safety and care.

On the second day of the conference, before we all parted ways, Maddy held up another group of individuals. This time she went around the room, asking participants to identify themselves or those around them as the aunties; as mentors and knowledge keepers. We honored the aunties in attendance with a standing ovation, a reminder to them and to ourselves of the importance of these roles in guiding and teaching us through life. The CSS conference is about honoring ourselves and also the people around us who inspire, guide, and support us in accepting and regulating ourselves. 

Cultivating Safe Spaces is different from anything else out there. You can’t sell or market the feeling in the room. We have received guidance over the years to stay away from the word “transformative”; you can’t claim that another person will be transformed, there is no way to guarantee that. But time and time again, the feedback we get from participants is how Cultivating Safe Spaces has transformed them. We don’t promise anyone transformation, that is not a guarantee we can make for another person. But CSS offers people the space to be themselves, coming into it already accepted exactly as they are. We cultivate a space for individuals to co-regulate together and they do the rest of the work themselves. Cultivating Safe Spaces isn’t about changing or fixing people and systems, it’s about honoring where we are, providing space for growth and honesty with ourselves and the people around us, and centering it all in love for the process. CSS works because people decide to open their hearts to change, and we can’t do this alone. We hope that you can be part of this process in the years to come.